The Mismatch Between Social Environments and Neurodivergent Needs

We work harder to fit in but get much less return on our investment

Photo by Limbo Hu on Unsplash

For a very long time, I believed that my struggle to make and sustain friendships was due to pure social ineptitude. Social interaction did not flow naturally and was often a source of anxiety.

Until five years ago, I had no idea this struggle was due to having a neurodivergent brain. That I had to work so much harder to bridge the gap between my brain wiring and the systems of neurotypical socialising.

Being diagnosed autistic meant ticking the box for social communication deficit. But it’s based on the ability of autistic people to function in neurotypical social environments according to neurotypical behavioural norms. It’s not so much a deficit as a mismatch with the environment. We struggle to make connections within environments that aren’t designed with our needs in mind.

And it’s definitely not an indicator of how interested autistic people are in connecting with others. To the contrary, we crave connection on a deep level, all the more so because we long to feel seen and understood. We spend our lives searching for belonging and community, for our people. It’s a shame the means of connection available so often fail us.