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Recovering From The Gen-X Affliction of Pushing Through
Like many neurodivergent adults now in middle-age, I’ve spent many years pushing through a life that feels like it’s been set up for someone else.
Pushing through meant that the only solution to hard things was to try harder. Everyone else around me seemed to be coping so there was no logical reason why I shouldn’t be.
I just kept going, even when my insides were screaming at me to stop. I would collapse at the end of the workday and wake up and do it all again. On the days I couldn’t face going into the office because a sleepless night had left me wretched and hollow, I would spend the day beating myself up and feeling guilty.
The next day I would scrape myself up and will myself out the door once again. I may have given myself a brief reprieve to catch my breath and carry on, but I never stopped to question what I was doing or why I was doing it. And so the cycle continued.
I suppose I was doing a version of fake it ‘til you make it, only I didn’t really believe I would ever make it, nor did I realise I was faking it. I just thought I was sending the best version of myself out into the world. My ambitions were modest — mostly I was content to survive another day.
