The Problem With The Stay At Home Mother Dream That No-one Wants To Talk About

There’s no room for domestic violence and separation and the dire financial consequences

Jae L
8 min readApr 27, 2021
Photo by Jen Theodore on Unsplash

The mainstream discussion about stay-at-home mothers is framed as a choice between a woman devoting herself to her children on the one hand and pursuing material gain and status through a career on the other. It’s a false binary that obscures the reality of the lives of many women.

There are so many assumptions bound up in this narrative. The first one is that the woman has a choice.

The narrative goes something like this: educated professional woman elects not to return to work but to take on the role of caring for children and running a household full time. She has been able to arrange her life how she wants it. The infrastructure is in place. She has support. She has agency. She’s been able to negotiate the arrangement with her partner.

She derives enormous satisfaction from her role and confidently defends her choice against people she perceives don’t value it.

She’s secure in her knowledge that she can return to work should she choose. She finished her education and had time to establish a career before making the decision to start a family. Despite a break…



Jae L

Queer, neurodivergent and in the business of defying expectations. Doing my best to answer the questions I keep asking myself.