Why Anxiety Is Inevitable When You’re Autistic
Ever since I can remember, I’ve lived my life with a low-level hum in the background. Growing up, it was as amorphous and nameless as the strange electrical buzz that filled my head as I tried to sleep.
At times I’ve felt a sense of impending doom; a worried edginess that may or may not attach itself to something specific. When things really get out of balance, an unsettling feeling rises up and dominates every part of my being.
It’s only as an adult that I’ve been able to name this thing as anxiety and identify the ways it affects my life. More recently I’ve started to understand how it relates to autism.
Being autistic means that I perceive, process and respond to the world differently to others. Getting by in a world that’s built for neurotypical people is hard work and I’m never quite sure if I’ve got it right. It’s no co-incidence that I was diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder at the same time I was diagnosed autistic.
For me, anxiety means never fully inhabiting the moment. It’s always there siphoning off my attention and preventing me from being present. It’s a nasty parasite, a cruel thief, robbing me of my enjoyment of life. I have hated myself for not making…
