Wow this has really got me thinking. It's only now, decades into my adult life that I'm feeling glimmers of agency. I've always felt like life is something that happens to me and that my relationships are what I deserve. As a queer autistic (somewhat gender non-conforming) woman, overcoming the core belief that I am inherently wrong or less than is lot to overcome. I feel like I'm getting somewhere only to find another baked-on layer of trauma and regret to scrape away. But as you suggest, the answer lies in tuning in to what I want, rather settling for what I feel I have permission to want.