You have hit the nail on the head about the need to be understood and the breakthrough that comes in realising you are never going to get it from that person. It took me a long time to understand why it was difficult to cut off contact with someone whose actions I understood as emotionally abusive. I felt frustrated and angry every time I replayed in my mind the situations where I was silenced by their twisted version of things. For me, the need to be understood came with a need for accountability. I was never going to get either from them. I ultimately realised that caring about what someone who doesn’t care about me thinks is a waste of energy.